Tuesday, March 29, 2011


This is either one of the best things I’ve ever done, or one of the worst. Hopefully it’s not one of the worst. With enormous thanks to the incomparable Rich Banks, who turned my lyrics into magic, and with apologies to the Royals, Bowling For Soup, and anyone who appreciates fine music, I present to you…1985.

(Click to play. Lyrics, and links for the uninitiated, below.)

Ambres just let it fall
He never caught the ball
Just one out to go
Nineteen losses in a row

Our dreams went out the door
After 1994
Only had one good year
When our future seemed so clear

Affeldt was another Koufax
Berroa was gonna be a star
Lima Time could kick some ass
MacDougal threw really hard

Turns out 2003
Was an anomaly
Look at our crappy team
And it’s all been a bad dream

Since Hal McRae, and George Brett
Way before the sun set
There was Frank White, Balboni
No outfield throws nailed Ken Harvey

Fans of teams with big bucks
They tell us that our team sucks
But we’re still preoccupied…with 19, 19, 1985


We had a great rotation
Jackson and Leibrandt
Gubicza, Saberhagen, and even Buddy Black
We loved Dick Howser
Not a better manager
No one ever got a lead
Off Dan Quisenberry

Where’s our shortstop on David Letterman
And why’s our Opening Day starter Scott Elarton
Why is Zack Greinke in Milwaukee
Whatever happened to – Dane Iorg, Sundberg, and Don Denkinger

Hal McRae, and George Brett
Way before the sun set
There was Frank White, and Motley
And no one traded for Neifi

Fans of teams with big bucks
They tell us that our team sucks
We’ve had to swallow our pride…since 19, 19, 1985

We’re fed up
With last place
Why did Schuerholz leave for the Atlanta Braves (Atlanta Braves)
And why did Pena get a subpoena

Please make this stop, stop, stop

And bring back
McRae, and George Brett
Way before the sun set
There was Frank White, and Willie

Fans of teams with big bucks
They tell us that our team sucks
DeJesus didn’t break out in hives…in 1985

Hal McRae, and George Brett
Way before the sun set
There was Frank White, and Lonnie
And no Eduardo Villacis

Fans of teams with big bucks
They tell us that our team sucks
But we’re still preoccupied…with 19, 19, 1985

(All rights reserved, with one exception. Not only do I give the Royals permission to play this song at Kauffman Stadium, but if they do so during a game, I will pledge $100 to a charity of their choice. And if a player uses this as his walk-up music, I’ll donate $100 to a charity of his choice as well.)


Ian said...

This is pretty amazing.

Jimmy said...

Oh my god.

I vote "best".

Unknown said...

Dick Banks! Rany, are you a Daves of Thunder (RIP) fan?

Anonymous said...

That was pretty good.

I really enjoy it, but good luck getting anyone at the stadium or any of the current players to use it.

You incorporated everything. The only thing you missed was the CF running up the wall and the ball bouncing over the wall. Forgot his name.

Even Villacis was pronounced right. Wow. Good work!

Scott D. Simon said...

This made my week. Thanks Rany.

Nick said...

Sorry Rany. Worst thing you've ever done.

Anonymous said...

PS You should do a post on just how deflating Eduardo Villacis was.

I mean I have nothing against the guy but I remember the feeling I had when I had gotten off of work, and I was looking forward to watching the game of the week.

It was the Yankees at their place and all of that. I had been looking forward to watching that game for a week or so.

And Eduardo Villacis started. I was pretty into the Royals then and I didn't even know who he was.

How deflating. It was as if management had just given up. On that game anyway.

In the 70's or 80's the Royals never gave up an inch. Especially not to the freaking Yankees.

And if management had given up why was I investing so much in them. That move encapsulates most of what has been wrong for quite a while.

Anonymous said...

Fun, but don't quit your day job.

Jeremy Neely said...

Well played. If it's not your best, it's up there pretty high.

Michael said...

Best. Thing. Ever. Made my day Rany!

Unknown said...

Ah, now this is the hard hitting commentary I come here for.

Evan said...

For those of you who haven't seen it, Royals by Mail:

Darin said...

As a Royals fan who can actually remember 1985, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe I'll do both. Love it!

Unknown said...

That ... was ... AWESOME!

Dan said...

No doubt, the worst thing you've ever been associated with.

Unknown said...

Certainly beats my Royals version of 'Talkin Baseball'

Phil said...


Ryan said...

Very well done. The song would have to be as long as November Rain to get closer to the amount of agony we have endured.

Josh Verlin said...

I don't think it's as bad as you think it is...from an outsider's perspective, at least: http://sportstatistics.blogspot.com/2011/03/spring-training-spotlight-kansas-city.html

Unknown said...

Coincidence: I just finished watching all seven games of the 1985 series over a period of weeks. Fitting recap.

RoyalGreek said...

Loved it. Great job Rany and fitting to try and tie back to what we hope we can recapture. Well done.

Unknown said...


Disco Hayes would TOTALLY have played this.

McGoldencrown said...

Pretty cheezy but fun.

Glen said...

No one ever got a lead off Dan Quisenberry?

Al Oliver begs to differ.

Mike said...

Wow. Awesome... just... awesome.

Venu said...

Impressive; liked it a lot.

Unknown said...

that was . . . awful!

muflyer said...

I loved it...where do I download the mp3?

Chris said...

Loved it, Rany. And for all those that think they could do better, it's put up or shut up time.

Unknown said...

That's absolutely brilliant...

Anonymous said...

No, you should have more confidence. That was amazing, i recommend reading the lyrics at the same time to get the full effect.

Kenneth said...

I want a confession. Whose idea was that ? I hope the Royals have a good sense of humor otherwise you might get banned again !

Thank you for a fun enjoyable post.

Clint said...

this is absolutely, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the greatest song ever written.

Jeff Lambert said...

I love Rany but this is the worst. Good job to Banks though - just bad material.

Jim M said...

this made me very happy on a day that I can't seem to get going on! Well done... and I am with you on the whole idea of picking up a pointless player just before the season starts. it doesn't send a good message to anyone--why would DM do that? it just makes no sense for this year.

Unknown said...

Loved it. Only thing that could make this better would be a video that includes visual references to all of this as well.

Unknown said...

Oh, It's bad... but in a really awesome way. I think that's the only conclusion you can reach.

Flanders Redale said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Flanders Redale said...

Rany -

When I saw the title, I just knew it was a musical bit. However, as much as I love Bowling for Soup, the song was originally written and recorded by SR-71.

Joe Sheehan said...

I'll match Rany's donation.

Unknown said...

Love this. Dick Banks rarely disappoints. RIP Daves of Thunder, the greatest comedy podcast ever.

Love the variety, love the occasional socio-political post and now this. I come here for baseball and Royals, but sprinkling in other stuff is a treat.

Keep up the good work, Rany.

Unknown said...

This is my ringtone now.

Unknown said...

Ok is anyone refreshing this for the 2014 world series? ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰