Friday, June 12, 2009

The Five Stages of Being a Royals Fan, Using Only Blog Quotes.

Stage 1: Denial

“Let’s take a deep breath, everyone. Good teams lose six games in a row. The difference is they also win six games in a row.”

“So don’t panic. This is the AL Central, where the Royals can lose six games in a row in mid-May and still hold on to a share of first place.”

Stage 2: Anger

“I realize that pride goeth before a fall, but this is ridiculous.”

“Momentum means NOTHING.”

Stage 3: Bargaining

“So if the Royals get a favorable outcome today, they would need only a three-game sweep of the Tigers at home – with Meche, Greinke, and Davies starting – to be back atop the division by Wednesday night. That’s not likely, mind you. But the mere fact that it’s possible is testament to how silly it is to be giving up on the season already.”

“Yes, the Royals have the same record after 43 games that they had last year. But to argue that this means they’ve made no progress is as silly as arguing that they’re going win more than 102 games because – as Martin Manley points out – they have a better record after 43 games than the 1977 Royals did.”

Stage 4: Depression

“I have no idea if the Royals are going to turn things around, whether they’ll get back to .500 this year, whether they’ll contend again in 2009. On paper, there’s no obvious reason why the Royals can’t reverse course. But I know that the Royals aren’t going to win a damn thing so long as they’ve got a GM who isn’t willing to cut losses on a contract that was a mistake the moment it was signed, and a manager who doesn’t understand that just because you have a pitcher on your roster doesn’t mean you have to use him in tight situations.”

Stage 5: Acceptance

“I think the Royals should trade for Jeff Francoeur.”


JustinG said...

Agree with those five stages. Let me add one stage that our entire infield needs to go through -- FUNDAMENTALS!

I am really sick and tired of losing games because our "major league" players make mistakes that would have earned me a seat on the bench on my 8th grade team.

Some basketball coaches clear the bench when the first team is playing like crap. I would not be mad at Trey Hillman for doing the same, even if it had to be for 10 days cause you had to get Tug Huelett and friends up here.

Learn to play defense. I mean, seriously. Pena Jr, learn to throw the ball to first on a DP. Bale, learn to catch the baseball. Callaspo, learn to eat the ball and keep the runner at first cause every time you throw the ball, bad things happen. And Olivo, you still could have tagged that runner out or gotten Choo at second if you could CATCH THE BALL.

Awful, just awful. Ok, rant over.

Mark LaFlamme said...

I don't think acceptance comes at all without some form of medication. I'm always lecturing myself. Relax, I say. Even if they grow roots in the basement, they're still fun to watch and there is no real pressure that way. Enjoy the game and hope for the future.
Then Farnsworth comes into the game and that rational voice dies a squirming death under the hot, fat stomp of rage. The hands squeeze into fists. The heart stops and then begins to work double time. Entire rooms get rearranged and holes appear in walls.
I tend to ping pong between denial, depression and bargaining, with no off ramps at all. The Royals are like a moderately attractive woman who looks smoking hot when you're drunk on optimism. She's a real tease, too.

Curtis said...

Nodding, sadder but wiser.

Anonymous said...

This is perfect!

Getting Fired Up said...

I want Francouer too. I've also resigned to the fact that even though Teahen and DeJesus are good guys they are just role players, they are not guys you can build your team around and count on. Jacobs is a total bust. That guy is only good for an occasion homer and even when he does that it couldn't be any more unclutch....if that is even a word. Butler isn't developing any power, and if he can't go deep than there is really no reason to have a fat singles/doubles hitter that can only play an average first base at best as your starter. I like Coco but where has his bat gone? Buck and Olivo are the same guy and at the beginning of the year I preferred Buck but now I like Olivo more....even if he has a passed ball about once a game. Jacobs and Butler both get moved before next year. I also think Buck, Teahen, and DeJesus are all gone as well. That core has had ample time to prove they can win and the results aren't there. The only thing that can really save this year for me is if Gordon comes back and just kicks some serious *ss. If he comes back and bats like .225 or something I'll probably David Carradine myself. That being said, bring on the NL. What are the chances we are back to .500 after interleague play? 10%? 25%? Stranger things have happened......

TyRoneN9NE said...

What stage am I at when I can watch my team lose because the ball hits a seagull, and I am not the least bit shaken by the events that have just transpired. Rather, it's like i could have guessed that was going to happen. I think I'm way past stage five.

Dammit I sound like a Cubs fan.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you Tyrone. That game reminded me of when Affeldt stepped on the rosin bag and threw the game ending double play ball into center field in Minnesota. I was just like, "Yep, freaking figures."

Awesome points, Fired Up. I hear everything you're saying.

Anonymous said...

Mike Judge first embraced this concept with a perfect cartoon a couple of years ago. Sadly, it still applies each and every damn year we follow this pathetic organization.

Ryan said...

The best quote of the season came today in the Star from Bob Dutton's account of the game.

Tony Pena, Jr.: "You can't be afraid to make an error."

Indeed, Tony, you can't.

Other things you can't be afraid of if you're a Royal:
-Giving up home runs.
-Shun the base on balls.
-Pinch hit for your awful hitting short stop with another one.
-Bringing Kyle Farnsworth in with the game on the line.
-Signing Farnsworth to a two year contract.
-Spend tens of millions of dollars on starting pitching and draft no position players to provide any offense to make the team competitive.
-Sign an over-the-hill power hitter who used to be on steroids, and pay him $36 million when he's not on steroids.
-Pledge to make on base percentage a priority for your organization.
-Trade a decent reliever for the worst fielding first baseman in the majors, who doesn't get on base, and can't hit left handed pitching.
-Trade a good reliever for an injury prone center fielder who can't throw, who doesn't have a history of getting on base.
-Blame the players for not "playing up to their potential."

AxDxMx said...

It's about to get real ugly at The K. This Cincinatti series will be lightly attended anyways, but I have zero desire to go to the ballpark, and I doubt anyone else has any either. Prepare for Cardinal red next weekend if you are going.

Nathan W said...


Robert said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Robert said...

My life as a Royals fan was summed up in about 15 seconds last night. I actually thought to myself "I'm glad that ball hit a seagull, so I didn't have to watch a 39 hopper to the plate".

Talk about sentences you never thought you'd say/think...even as a fan of this franchise.

Ryan said...

I don't know if anyone has seen Milton Bradley highlights tonight, but we could get that guy real cheap right since Chicago HATES him. He would become the best hitter on the team and we could cut Mike Jacobs. I know we would never cut Mike Jacobs, but let me pretend we would.

Keith Kueny said...

True text, "I think that we are meant to suffer, because if the royals did win we would never know who the true fans are. Now, we can be certain who is a fan and who isn't and that conforts me." I sent this yesterday in what you have reffered to as the acceptance period that has taken over my life. But, to show how lame I am I still watched them blow that lead after the ace pitched Thursday. I just can't stop watching.

Chris said...

So Ryan, you want to trade for a guy who threw a live ball into the stands?

My friends, now that's acceptance.
(Actually, I'd be in favor of it too)

Anonymous said...

I supposed you want to pay Milton his 30 million too?

Anonymous said...

Great game by Hochevar last night. Enough to give me hope.

Ryan said...

we can swap guillen's 36 million (we've paid perhaps 15 million of it so far) for Bradley's 30 million.

Bradley is good for 120-130 games a year, and he GETS ON BASE. Takes walks, is a great hitter, etc. That's why AL teams have a DH, right?

Anonymous said...

We have 3 DH's already. Plus, if you think Guillen has an attitude problem, wait until you meet Bradley. That guy is a prick.

Anonymous said...

All I know is I have used the term, "ass clowns" more in the last two weeks of watching the Royals than i have my entire life.

after seeing a ball tag a seagull all i could think was, "that mamed bird looks better than Jacobs with an 0-2 count."

After all this I think there needs to be one more stage, Fear and Loathing.

Ryan said...

in my fantasy scenario we trade Guillen, Jacobs, and Farnsworth to the Cubs for Bradley. It'll work. I swear.

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous 3:42PM - Not "fear and loathing" but "fear and arrogance" as Crash Davis said or maybe "fear and ignorance" as Nuke Laloosh said.

We Royals fans may choose to be arrogant due to our stick-to-it iveness (lol) or ignorant due to the same. I mean, it takes a person of extreme patience and loyal character to put up with what we have had to put up with. But, from the outside looking in, others must think we are pretty ignorant since we won't switch allegience to a team with better players or management or at least a better chance to win.


And the kicker is... MOST of us, myself included, seem to believe that better is right around the corner.

Go Royals!!! C -ya, AusSteveW

Casper said...

The Royals need a fight song, me thinks. The Cubs have that "Hey Chicago" song after every home victory, I think we need something to get the fans jazzed up before every home game, which ideally would give the team something to feed off of. My recommendation is "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups. Good lyrics, if you're a die-hard Royals fan, plus there's that cute little play on words in the title. Just a sample of the lyrics (to support my claim as it being the most appropriate song):
Verse 1
We are ready for the siege
We are armed up to the teeth
We care for how you live and breathe
Release whats broken underneath

Verse 2
We can laugh about it now
We hope everything works out
Be careful how you lick your wounds
Believe that change is coming soon

Verse 3
You used to do a little but a little won't fly
Right before you hit your prime
Thats when we fell in love but not the first time

It's a good passive aggressie rock song, which I think is pretty dead on if you're a die-hard fan. Or is that just me? = )

Anyone got a song they think works better for our fight song?

Anonymous said...

If the Royals get to the year 2086 without winning another World Series ... then they'll be the Cubs.

Dave said...

Hitting is contagious!

Anonymous said...

Best. Post. Ever.

Shelby said...

So wait...what do we think?

The Royals just swept a team in contention. Granted, the team kind of sucks, and the Royals would probably be right there with the Reds were they in the same division.

But do we think they have a chance to climb back into contention in the AL Central?

I'm skeptical, but hell, I want it to happen.

What's funny is that I think that if Davies can start to become a 4.00 ERA pitcher then we have a chance, just as everyone was saying at the beginning of the year.

I honestly don't expect Hochevar to be better than Davies--same with Bannister.

Overall, if those three pitchers can average a 4.50 ERA, we're in really good shape, I think.

Am I wrong?

Tell me.

Anonymous said...

crisp to the DL, a full three weeks after his sore shoulder start costing him playing time... way to go royals.

Dave said...


The slide had nothing to do with Davies/Banny/Hochevar. Their struggles have to do with this teams inability to score any runs and situational hit. I think the better question is.....Are we finally seeing what this team is capable of offensively? If we start to hit like we did this weekend, make other teams pay for their mistakes (errors), and start to clutch hit....with this rotation...I see no reason why we can't climb back into this thing.

Chance said...

Oh no, we have now entered the sixth stage of being a Royals fan: Absurdity. Milton Bradley??!!? Really??!!? Why would anyone trade for the PuPu platter of jack-farts that they Royals have on their Major-League roster? If Meche and Greinke are untouchable, that leaves, ummm, thinking hard....NO ONE that any credible team would want. And yes, I know they just swept the Reds. WOO-HOO! If only we can play them 25 more times. Just wait until the Cards come to KC and punk us.

As for Bradley, if you have talked yoruself into him, all I can say is, "put down the crack pipe!" Didn't he try to assualt Ryan Lefevbre last year? Isn't he known to have about the same personality as Guillen?

Lord-a'mighty, Royals fans, if you want to wish for pie-in-the-sky outcomes, wish that Gordon comes back with some plate discipline and power.

Anonymous said...

Back in the hunt. I knew we weren't dead. We are in the race in spite of having had our cleanup hitter, starting third baseman, starting shortstop, semi-starting catcher, closer, and 3 setup guys on the DL at various times. We just need to stay in it until Gordon and Crisp come back.

Anonymous said...

I think Bradley would be fun if only to listen to Ryan call all of his at-bats. It couldn't be any more uncomfortable than listening to Frank White explain for the 40,000th time about hitting the ball the opposite way.

Anonymous said...

....or Bob Davis describing every other batted ball as a "flare". As in, "And there's a little flare down the line in right!" "Teahen hits a little flare into the seats behind the dugout." "He flare's it into CF." etc. Man, I hate that guy..... How about a Rany interview with Bob describing how he has no qualifications for announcing baseball and relies on recycling baseball lingo he's picked up from real baseballl men.

Antonio. said...

Guillen would be infinitely more tolerable if he hit like Bradley.

Antonio. said...

Gordon's career split is 81. That's pretty good patience

Steve said...

I think the Royals should trade for Andres Blanco.