Thursday, May 15, 2008

Keep 'em Coming...

The headline was supposed to refer to all the nicknames you guys are throwing out - some gems in there. It could also refer to the Royals, who are once again proving that if they can just score 3 or 4 runs consistently, they're going to be in every game. Is mid-May too early for scoreboard watching? Because right now the Indians are the only truly imposing barrier blocking the Royals from realistic postseason hopes. If you told me right now that the Indians would win no more than 85 games, I'd say we have a shot at winning this division. The way the Tribe is pitching, though, they could blow this division apart pretty soon. But hey, their starter gave up a run (unearned) today. So that's something.

Once my schedule frees up in a week or two we'll talk in more detail about how realistic the Royals' chances are. In the meantime, here are my thoughts on all the suggested nicknames so far...

- First off, I want to address the concerns of those who feel this entire enterprise is inappropriate. As one anonymous poster said, "I must object to this entire post. The entire point behind nicknames, and the reason that they really great ones ARE great and therefore stick, is that they are given through spontaneous bouts of creativity, usually related to a humorous, impressive, or embarassing trait of the nicknamee."

My response to this is that, actually, most of the famous nicknames in baseball history were in fact penned by sportswriters, and were almost certainly not thought of spontaneously, but rather were premeditated acts of penmanship. I highly doubt one of Mickey Mantle's coaches looked at him one day and said, "you know what - this guy's the Commerce Comet!" One of Johnny Martin's teammates may have called him Pepper, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the guy who first called him "The Wild Horse of the Osage" was sitting in front of a typewriter at the time.

The media has always been involved in coining nicknames for players. It just so happens that in today's game, the media has largely abdicated that responsibility. There's nothing wrong with that, but just as blogs are replacing the traditional media's role in other ways, I see no reason why blogs can't take on the duty of both inventing nicknames and disseminating them to a wider audience.

- To "TheBobHamelin": I will gladly concede that you created the term "Hispanic Panic" to refer to Messrs. Soria, Nunez, and Ramirez first - a fact I was not aware of until after I made the same connection. In return I hope you will gladly concede that it is in fact possible for two people to have come up with the same nickname, independently of each other, without any need to suggest plagiarism or other foul play. Thanks. As I've said before, I'm not entirely comfortable with the nickname, so I may just avoid using it in the future.

- We'll be putting a number of potential nicknames up for a vote next week, I hope - I'll have more details on that later. But one nickname is so perfect that I am invoking executive privilege right here and now: our top two starters will henceforth be known, when referred to in tandem, as Greinke and the Brain. Many kudos to whoever came up with that one - I never watched the show and I still think it's brilliant. May they succeed in taking over the World...Series.

- Lots of calls for Doc Bannister, lots of calls for The Professor. Both of them are good but obvious. Doc, The Professor, The Brain...we'll put this up for a vote.

- A pretty strong consensus for calling Gordon "Splash", and an equally strong consensus that he hasn't earned it yet. Need a few other contenders here, or we'll just call this one over.

- I have a personal preference to avoid nicknames derived from the player's real name if at all possible, but that's not a hard and fast rule. A lot of you like "The Gobstopper" for Jimmy Gobble. I'm always up for a Willy Wonka reference. Maybe we can just call him "Everlasting" - an ironic reference to the fact that he's usually out there to face a single hitter.

- So many choices for Soria, but none of them strike me as being able to do his brand of dominance justice. I'm not sure any nickname can do him justice at this point - he looks like he's ready for a higher league. The way he closed out the game on Wednesday do you say "The Eviscerator" in Spanish? I think Marcus Thames saw a PTSD counselor after the game.

El Matador ("The Killing One", Babelfish tells me) is not bad. 'Sover? So Long Soria? Don't want to jinx the guy. Captain Jack isn't bad. Joakim The Dream is - not a big fan of the rhyming names.

Someone suggested "The Wolf" from Pulp Fiction, which I think is great. But wasn't Harvey Keitel's character known as "The Cleaner"? Maybe just Wolf will do. This just in: "The Hispanic Abe Lincoln" - or HAL for short - is a late entry, worthy of your consideration.

- There's NO consensus for Billy Butler. Billy Baroo...Beav...Bat Man...Big Bang...B-Squared...Bubba...everybody's got the same idea, but different execution. Apparently Teahen calls him Bill the Thrill, and I'd be fine with that - the players should get priority on nicknames - except Will Clark was Will the Thrill, and I'm not a fan of recycling nicknames. The perfect nickname should incorporate his undeniable hitting skills as well as his heft and lack of dexterity when engaged in any activity that does not involve a bat in his hands. The dude's a big ogre, basically. Shrek, anyone? (Yes, I'm a sucker for the animated films.)

- Some very good suggestions for Gathright. I still like Dash, in large part because he can bat ahead of Gordon and we'd have "Splash and Dash." But Hops and High Jump are both very good. (I don't care what the people in Louisiana call him, I'm not calling him Honey Bun.) We'll put this to a vote.

- I like Mr. Incredible a lot for John Buck. Although this would make him Gathright's father. The apple fell pretty far from the tree, I guess. Maybe Elastigirl had a fling with Frozone...

- Very few suggestions of any stripe for Guillen. Tick Tock's the best I've seen so far, but I'd like to see better.

- Sliver is not bad for Leo Nunez, but I like Razor better. It's a reference to his build and his impressive body of work at the same time.

- I really like the suggestion of "Topspin" for Teahen. The alliteration is nice, and it's a quirky nickname which is actually kind of a dig - maybe it will remind him that, once upon a time, he was a capable of hitting for power. "Gordon takes a lead off second base...and Topspin lines a fastball the other way for a hit!" That sounds pretty cool. Thoughts? Slapshot might also work because he's such a cut-up.

- Some good names for Greinke, but they all reference his psychological issues in one way or another. The Baseball Jonah awaits a real challenger. Although "Chipotle" was pretty funny.

- The only name I've seen for Meche is "The Mechete." If that's the best we've got, I'm fine with "The Epic."

- Someone called Grudzielanek "Stubble". That's what I'm talking about - short, simple, evocative.

- Come on, guys. Hooch? It's not even the right pronunciation. Dumbo would be okay if it were newspaper-friendly. Cool Hand is still the leader in the clubhouse here. (And it looks like I'll have to add it to my Netflix queue. Given how rarely I have time to see movies, I'll probably get to it in 2013.)

- Does Tony Pena even deserve a nickname? If he does, I like Toothpick - refers to his build and the effective size of his bat. Toothpick Tony is hitting .182 - see, that works already.

- None of the DeJesus suggestions have overwhelmed me so far. With a name like that we should be able to come up with something, right?

- "Shake" Yabuta is so stupid that it's actually kind of funny.

Again, keep in mind that we're not going to pin a nickname on every player, nor should we expect to. If I don't think any of the suggested nicknames for a player are absolutely top-notch, then we'll simply pass over that guy.

Alright everyone, I should be back early next week and we'll try to get some polls up. In the meantime, keep the nicknames - and wins - coming.


Anonymous said...

Buck looks more like "Buzz Lightyear" than Mr. Incredible. My mom has been calling him that since he got to the Royals.

Soria is "El Emasculador"

Anonymous said...


Thank you. It's not so much my caring about the nickname itself, it just would have been nice to see a mention of Royals Corner with perhaps a link over there, and the impression of "hey Rany must check that site out too!"..

I accept your apology with one of my own for flying off the handle on you over it. In hindsight, yes, mundane..and over-thought.

Now its an afterthought, and we at Royals Corner would be enthralled to invite you to join us in a Gameday Thread sometime when time permits while watching the game.

Anonymous said...

I tend to agree with you on the appellations. Pets might be named spontaneously, based on some curious habit. School kids, too. Big-time ball player monikers, though, tend to come along after a period of contemplation.
As for our boys, the Gobstopper is the best I've heard yet. Makes me think of Pena more than Gobble though, what with that Rod Carew wad he carries around in his cheek. I tell you, it's gotta add ten pounds to his overall weight.

Anonymous said...

"Young Guns" HAS to be in the mix. Then you have "Billy the Kid", "Doc" and so on...

Anonymous said...

I do like "jalapena" for Tony Pena, Jr. You could also call him Wonder - he's wonderful in the field, and you wonder if he will ever get another hit (or walk).

Anonymous said...

Buzz Lightyear...Mr. Incredible... how about just Pixar for short?

Magic Juan said...

for Butler, something like Plate or Dish or something that refers to the two obvious facts about him: 1. he likes to eat, 2. his only + baseball skill is hitting.....ooh, ooh, about Blue Plate Special!

Anonymous said...

Dish and Dash! That sounds good.

Anonymous said...


Derek D. Larson said...

"Groundskeeper" Billy Butler - He rakes.

Tony "Pam" Pena, Jr. - Insert obligatory "no stick" comment here...

Unknown said...

I don't think DeJesus really needs a nickname. As we found out in the Big Lebowski, No one messes with de Jesus!

Anonymous said...

"Greinke and the Brain" is perfect on so many levels. I agree with your executive decision to vote it in automatically.

Anonymous said...

I would liek to submit "Baby Huey" for Billy Butler on behalf of my wife, (who is blocked from this site at her office,) she has been calling him that all year.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't we just swap the letters in his first name and call him "Brain Bannister"?

Pablo said...


Anyone else think that John Buck is a dead ringer for Haley Joel Osment?

Haley Joel uttered one of the most famous lines in movie history:"I see dead people". Which is what Buck sees when "El Matador" is pitching.

So, Haley Joel is not much of a nickname. What about Dead Ringer or Sixth sense or Forest Gump Jr....

royalsfanatic said...

Really ridiculous that bobhamelin flipped out on the nickname issue....I can almost hear him stomping his feet in a tantrum... "Hispanic Panic" was coined by others in the media in reference to the immigration problem....the fact that you applied it to KC's bullpen is hardly something to cry about

Anonymous said...

How about Mr. Chaw for Pena? Dude always has a ton of it in.

Also, could I get a link to or an explanation of Meche's "The Epic" I think it's awesome but wish I knew the background to it.

Nathan said...

I must have missed the Shake Yabuta comment from last post, but that is hilarious. Good job, whoever that was.

I think the DeJesus thing is tricky, because he has such a sweet name that topping it is nearly impossible. Honestly, I think the only way to go (unless we have a real genius in the bunch) is to go the other way. Move away from smart into stupid (e.g. The Deej, or DJ Jesus).

Speaking of Real Genius, I'm in partial favor of calling either Greinke or Bannister Lazlo. It applies to both of them in different ways, but might be a little TOO much of a reach.

Anonymous said...

Alex Gordon = The Crimson Chin
(Fairly Oddparents reference)

Ryan said...

Gathright should be called "Corolla," because he can jump over one.

Billy Butler.
Billy the Kid (I mean this is obvious right? He was born in 1986. 1986!)
Billy, Don't You Ever Hit a Homer?

I think Soria needs to have an ominous nickname like The Shadow, or The Bell (Saved by the Bell, For Whom the Bell Tolls.)

Alex Gordon= Nebraska. Or HuskerDu. HuskerGo? HuskerGu? Geography, suckers. GoHenge. (Carhenge.)

rdbrown27 said...

Billy Butler - the BDH - the Big Dumb Hitter.

Doug said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Doug said...

Billy Butler = Lennie (Of Mice and Men). Big strong physical guy, but not smart enough to run the bases.

Shelby said...

Epic of Gilgamesh....oldest known literary work, I think, with possible Viking origins. Main character was offered a huge amount of money to slay a dragon and save a downtrodden baseball franchise, even though no one thought he was very capable. Or something. Someone will fill-in the gaps or fix errors, I'm sure.

David DeJesus: "El Salvador" or "The Savior" or "God's Only Son" or "Insert Blasphemy Here"

Anonymous said...

Billy Butler = Spanky
Joakim Soria = Stymie
David DeJesus = Darla

FJ in OP

OJ said...

I'm a Twins fan and I check this blog everyday. Very well done, Rany.

I love "Blue Plate Special" for Butler. If there is one Royal who needs a nickname it is Billy Butler - and that is a good nickname.

Might I also suggest "The Ripper" for Joakim Soria?

thecpack said...

How about "Sandlot" for David DeJesus? He just looks like a kid having fun out there.

Anonymous said...

"Greinke and the Brain" was coined over at Royals Review, by "SittinOnTheFoulPole." We have now taken the next step, and developed the "Greinke and the Brain" Theme Song. Check it out:

Anonymous said...

Whoops - the link didn't work.
You can find it pretty easily from

Anonymous said...

Thanks for giving the credit on my suggesttion of Greinke and the Brain over at Royals Review. I'm not necessarily one to try to claim an idea as my own (it's for everyone to enjoy!), but I'll admit, I was pretty proud of that one. The theme song in the above link is far more brilliant than anything I could have come up with, though.


Anonymous said...

Someone posted "B2 Bomber" for Billy Butler. Brilliant!

"Jack the Ripper" is a nice one too. Thanks, Twins fan!

Frankly, I'm afraid to visit Royals Corner now. I might see copyrighted material and repeat it accidently. You know, Bob Hamelin is a real person. I wonder what he thinks of you taking his name?

Zach said...

Billy "Bam Bam" Butler

Ramon "How in the heck did Colorado let go of that guy? I mean, I'm a Royals fan and all, but you think they could use a lights-out righthanded reliever right now?" Ramirez

I'm really better at derogatory nicknames. The days of Curtis Gascanic, Jeremy Awful and Denny Blowtista will not soon be forgotten.

Zach said...

Is there any way we could just trade for Ambiorix Burgos's name? I always loved "The Greatest of the Belgae" as a nickname.

Dan Holden said...

ROO, ROO, ROO, for Gathright. Though if we start chanting it at the stadium he may think that they are boos.

We could go for Kanga, but since his name is Joey Roo makes more sense.

Anonymous said...

Joakim "Turn out the Lights, It's" Soria

Collin said...

Tony Pena -- "charmin", "2-ply"
(they speak for themselves, i think.... tp, soft hands on D, 2-ply b/c he's 2nd coming of Sr., turns double plays, tp are his initials etc)

Butler -- I like 'bubba' or "thumper"

Anonymous said...

I always liked Bash Gordon myself. For Butler, how about Jeebs, a usual name for a butler. Or Rake Butler. Last one for Butler, Billy Hooch.......What a Hitter!

I like Doc Bannister. For Luke, I always call him Ho Shaver in emails I send.

Didn't Teahan tell us two years ago on the radio that he gets called Teabag?

Buck could be Uncle Buck.

Anonymous said...

Pinkie, Brain, and pray for rain!

I am all for "Roo." I mean, the dude jumps cars and is named Joey and looks like a seventh grader among men. If he isn't Roo, then the name should be retired.

Shrek it is.

I sat all through lunch yesterday humming "Shake Your Booty" thanks to this blog.

Plus, the more animated character names we choose, the more likely I can get my daughter to watch the games.

Anonymous said...

I'm better at the derogatory nicknames as well:

As much as TPJ stinks at the plate, I'll take him over bERRORa anytime!

Anonymous said...

Ever since since Gathright came over to the Royals, my wife and I have been calling him Slappy.

Bart said...

Billy The Butcher Butler...

Works the glove and the appetite angles.

Anonymous said...

Man, the only thing that popped to mind for Greinke is this


He's kind of fits the bill with his youth. Plus, if you split the name up, it kind of fits his pitching style. "Whips" that fastball up there and "Snaps" off those curve/sliders.

another possible Greinke nickname.
Stinger - It is a surface to air guided missle, which can be like his pitches with pin-point accuracy. I couldn't think of other names given to missles that might fit.

Guess we could shorten it to "The Sting" after the 1973 Newman/Redford movie. He kind of sets up the batters and cleans them out.

Joakim "Sandman" Soria

Gil "He Did the Monster" Meche (at least he would already have a theme song that can play when he walks to the mound). Kind of comes of Chris Berman-like.

Or just shorten it to Gil "Monster" Meche.

When watching Gil pitch against Detroit, he just grinded out those 7 innings..

Gil "The Grinder"? I think there is a poker player that goes by that nickname. Not sure if that would matter here.

Jose "Rocket Man" Guillen

Gordon and Butler will be linked together as long as they are Royals.

I like to combine them together from one of my previous posts.

Batman and Commissioner Gordon
Billy "Alfred" Butler and Commish Gordon. Alfred was the butler's name in Batman. That is a bit of a stretch though.
If Gordon becomes a team leader in the future, Commissioner definitely fits.

Others for Billy Butler
Double Trouble
The Pain
Big Pain (like Big Hurt)
He definitely can put a hurt on the ball.

David Dejesus -
Don't know why....just came to me. Seems like he is one who is always having fun and if memory serves me right he does skip around out in the field some.

David "The Dragon" Dejesus...don't know...maybe he has the facial looks a bit like the wrestler Ricky Steamboat from years ago. Not sure how much Bruce Lee he has in him.

Double Dare?

Anonymous said...

Guess I had it wrong before

Joakim "turn out the lights the party's" Soria

Anonymous said...

For what its worth (non-Royals related.. anymore):

For years I called Sal Fasano - "The Fish".. I thought Sal "The Fish" Fasano worked well. For some reason he just looked like a big catfish to me. He also ran like one.

Anonymous said...

"Greinke and the Brain" would be good if Greinke was a total spaz. I love the show and any reference to Greinke being a spaz is a bit off base. He had some mental issues to overcome but any baseball club would love to have him at his age doing what he does.

Still the Brain fits .. Brain Bannister is just about perfect.

B52 Butler(or B2 if you want the new bomber..but i don't think it fits as well), bombs the hell out of them, but lacks something in dexterity.

How about a combo for Dejesus, loved the sandlot but maybe stretch it a bit with "The Sandlot Apostle"

Love Roo for Joey Gathright and
The Ripper for Soria.

Quick after thought, maybe Grits or Cornbread Butler. If that doesn't paint the picture of a big ole country boy making hay nothing does.

Anonymous said...

I'm all for Commissioner Gordon and Batman Butler -- which will be even better if he can start hitting for power instead of just spraying singles all over the field. I really just think you can't call Gordon "Splash" (or "Bash") when he's got 20 career home runs. I have no qualms with the nickname if he actually builds a reputation as a strong power hitter, but he's not there yet. If he manages 25+ homers this year, give it to him. Right now he's got five homers in mid-May. You can't give him a nickname based on a skill that he hasn't consistently demonstrated.

I still like the Spaceman for Greinke. It's not a reference to his psychological problems, it was around long before those issues came to light. It's more a reference to his unique way of dealing with the media. I can't really get behind the Baseball Jonah because it's too obscure. It's a reference to another nickname first of all, and then second of all I think you'd be surprised how few people out there know anything about Jonah or how he relates to Greinke. Nicknames shouldn't need to be explained like that.

It's for the same reason that I can't support "the Epic" either. I even know what the Epic of Gilgamesh is and have read some of it and I still had no idea that's what you were referring to with the nickname until it was explained in the previous post. "Gilgameche" is all right, though still requires a bit of explanation to people not familiar with the story. "Mechete" is pretty good -- quick and concise and makes sense with no explanation needed (though it'd probably work better if Meche could a little bit more consistently mow down opposing lineups).

Anonymous said...

Nickname for Soria: Señor Abe because he looks a lot like our famous President with his wrap around beard and he also ends the game like Abe ended the succession. Also they have the same spot on calm cool demeanor!

Brett said...

I like "The Sabrmagician" for Bannister, but Grienke and the Brain is amazing.

Brett said...

Soria- El Salvador?

Anonymous said...

soria: jack the ripper

no doubter.

Nathan W said...

I have been calling Greinke "The Gas Pump" not only because he throws gas, but he, too, is getting more and more expensive as the year rolls along.

Soria is "Cochino", which tranlates in Spanish to "filthy".

And finally, for Tomko, every time he toes the rubber I have referred to him as "Stopgap" or "The guy who is keeping Carlos Rosa's seat warm".

Anonymous said...

I like Spanky for Butler as mentioned above. It works two different ways. He's round like the Spanky character from Our Gang/Little Rascals and it applies to his hitting skills.

I still like Mexituff for Soria. I've seen it used on Royals Review. It stems from Buddy Bell originally describing Soria as "Mexican tough".

Anonymous said...

How about "marg" for butler its a combination of man bear pig from an episode of south park

tbunk said...

"Bam Bam" is too perfect for Billy Butler.

It has double Bs. He's just a kid. And he should have a bat in his hand at all times.

Anonymous said...

Not sure if anyone has come up with this or not (I don't want THEBobHamelin to yell at me if someone has) but for you fans of The Office how about "Mose" for Soria. The beard is a spitting image.

Bart said...

somebody in baseball needs to be nicknamed Mr Freeze. A pitcher who's got nasty stuff, a big head, and is pasty white. Not sure the Royals have a candidate, but that's one's waiting for a taker.

Anonymous said...

I like Nails for soria. Short and sweet.

schlubman said...

Try these. Butler is The Thing. Gathright is Hopper. Greinke is Jigsaw. DeJesus is Golden Boy. Guillen is Saga. Teahen is Teabag. Soria is Aretha. Pena is Ghandi.

Anonymous said...

Zack Greinke = Chameleon because he changes speeds so well and because Chameleon was a shape-shifting mutant superhero in the Marvel universe.

Luke Hochevar should have a Star Wars reference like Light Saber or Light Saber Luke or Jedi or Jedi Master or Skywalker.

Is his stuff electric enough to warrant Lighning Luke, as an alternate?

Unknown said...


Here are the Royals nicknames:

Brian Bannister: The Brain

Billy Butler: Bam Bam

All the others either are not worthy of one yet or the nickname suggestions are too forced.

Jeff said...

I apologize if this has already been brought up, but can we impose a preemptive ban on using the nickname "Moose Tacos" for Moustakas? I've seen this numerous times on the ESPN board and it has to be one of the lamest nicknames ever.

Anonymous said...

Agreed on the "Splash" nickname needing to be earned. I still think "The Smirk" is overlooked, but perhaps I thought my eloquence would carry some weight over against actual quality. Still, "The Smirk" is a different kind of nickname, and every KC fan will know to what it refers.

"Doc" is already taken by a pretty good contemporary pitcher and it fits better for him -- maybe you've heard of Roy Halladay? I know we don't have any good text messages from him yet, but let's give him a break. Even if we do think he can't match Brain's outstanding 1 1/4 year legacy.

"The Professor" is just lame.

TPJ doesn't deserve a nickname. But if he wasn't around, we'd realize Gathright doesn't, either. Maybe "Not J. P. Howell." That won't work, though. I see why he's a fan favorite, so something about jumping cars would be good.

Another vote here for "Topsin" Teahen.

For some reason, the person who called Greinke "Donald" make me crack up.

in conclusion, if "The Smirk" is unfairly banished, I'll withdraw and throw my support behind "Commissioner" Gordon. Much better than "Splash."

Anonymous said...

I was on Royals Corner telling one of the guys who does the post-game show my idea for JUST Soria..

"Peyote" - once you get him, you see some crazy stuff.

If Soria was Dominican, then him, Ramirez and Nunez could be "The Bermuda Triangle" - Nothing gets out.

New.Booze.Tradition said...

Names so far that I like:
Soria: I really like "Señor Abe" and "El Cochino" is also worthy. Mexituff is good as well.

Butler: "Spanky" sounds good

Pena: how about "9-Iron" or "Sand Wedge" given his propensity to swing at pitches in the dirt and the subsequent short travel distance of his hits.

Or just "Chi Chi Pena" as in the famous lightweight hispanic golfer from years past.

Grienke and the Brain... VG! I also like the "Professor" and others like that for Banny.

Hispanic Panic is a great name for our 3 closers.

Anonymous said...

Billy Buts, or just Buts if you like. Captures him perfectly. If you are feeling formal, William Buts.


Anonymous said...

taquito for nunez?

Anonymous said...

DeJesus is from Manalapan, NJ, right in the shadow of Springsteen. So how about "The Boss" (I think he is the longest term vet in the field) or "Hazy Davy"?

Anonymous said...

RE: Greinke as the "baseball Jonah", why not just Jonah?

Anonymous said...

Let's call Guillen "Quarter Cent"
(i.e. 25 out of 100 -- or the number of pounds he came in to the season overweight. It's also a reasonable description of his batting average.)

Anonymous said...

More Guillen nicknames, in the same vein:

Royale with Cheese (or more accurately, 100 Royales with Cheese)


Silver Anniversary (i.e. 25th)




(Ken) Harveys in the Outfield

The Conditioner (as in offseason conditioning)

The Reason 25lbs Worth of Gathright's Honey Buns are Missing

Anonymous said...

I promise I'll stop after this:


The $36 Million Dollar Manwich

Fatrick Henry "Give me liberty, or or give me liberty with a side of bacon."

Sultan of Swallow

and, unrelated:

Mike Scoscia's Best Friend

Anonymous said...

Greinke is "the Baseball Jonah" not just in reference to himself but also in reference to Larry Bird being "the Basketball Jesus" (or at least that's what Bill Simmons calls him, but I don't really follow the NBA so I have no idea if this is a common nickname for him or just Simmons's pet name). If you just call him Jonah, the double reference (and the real reason the nickname came around in the first place) is lost.

Ryan said...

I still like Magnum Gload. Ironic and at one point this season he had a .357 SLG, although it is probably a pipe dream for him to get it that high again this season.

Now, when he comes in late as a defensive replacement we can say "Great, here comes Magnum Gload".

gordon3b said...

I'm sure it's been said, but we usually call Pena by his initials, TP, my wife took it a step further and calls him Toilet Paper.

adoyleBU said...

With all of the nickname ideas for Butler so far I think that the best is "B2 Bomber". I hope that this one gets a long look.

Anonymous said...

Nobody has really said it, but wasn't Miguel Olivo a great pickup for the Royals? A second catcher that actually gives you offense. Remember Jason Larue?

Anonymous said...

You notice that the Royals bullpen only has 2 losses? One was the game that was 0-0 until the 9th. The other was the game we lost after Greinke got out to a 4-0 lead. That was the only lead coughed up by the bullpen all year.

Shelby said...


I know your blog is primarily concerned with the blogs you write (which are always awesome), but is there a way we can discuss the game of each day? I feel weird posting a comment or question about todays game. You see, I want to discuss Butler's idiotic base-stealing attempt #3, and I don't have a forum here in which to ask this question. Thanks!

- A guy

Anonymous said...

These are hilarious!

I love "Groundskeeper" for Billy Butler because he does rake! Plus it sounds so blue-collar which I like. Great call on that one.

The best one on here might be "Shake" Yabuta though!

I like El Matador for Soria too.

This might get vetoed pretty fast, but what about Gillette or Edge for Hochevar?

Anonymous said...

I love Shake Yabuta; however, I think it would be funny to make it Milkshake Yabuta.

KCRoyalCrown said...

Billy Butler - "Burger Boy" Put a hamburger in his hand instead of a Glove & he's a spitting image...

Joakim Soria - "El Terminar" (means Finisher in Spanish)

Anonymous said...

If it's not too offensive, I think 'The Mexicutioner' is an absolutely spectacular name for Mr. Soria.

Anonymous said...

Here is my idea on Soria. Going with the game's over theme.

As a college student, cops showing up at a party signals the end to the night. I would like to somehow incorporate the idea of underage college party busting cop with soria.

If his number was 50 the nickname would already be selected as "The five-oh".

Second idea would be just save, or save in espanol.

Anonymous said...

"Biily Gutler" for our boy at DH/1st Base?

Anonymous said...

soria - The Eleven, or 11 or once...

he turns it up to 11 when he is on the mound.

Bart said...

"Billy Butler - "Burger Boy" Put a hamburger in his hand instead of a Glove & he's a spitting image..."

I think you were thinking of "Big Boy." I agree. It's got the double meaning and alliteration going for it too.

not_important said...

How about Jared or Subway for Guillen?

Anonymous said...

I think we need to close the book on the Billy Butler nickname. He seems to have embraced Bill the Thrill. He has been playing Micheal Jackson's Thriller when he comes to the plate.

Anonymous said...

How about Sparkles for Yabuta, since he always wears that sparkly shirt when he pitches.

Anonymous said...

Soria should be known as Bauer. Everyone calls him Jack, and whenever he comes in he mows down the bad guys and saves the day.

Anonymous said...

My Friends and I always call Billy Butler "Champ" since he's a heavyweight, but it still has a good connotation.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to join in this discussion but really, isn't it too soon for MANY of these guys? Plus, I don't mean to be pissin' on anyone's parade but doesn't it sound like Rany figures HE will make the final decision? I mean, really shouldn't we all be allowed to call these guys whatever we want to? 8^)

If time permits I will make a few suggestions at another time. I do like many of the nicknames bandied about already but some seem rediculous too. Just my opinion. I would CERTAINLY stay away from anything that might be construed as offensive or insulting to any other fans or the players themselves. I mean, we all KNOW TPJ can't hit but does he really need a nickname that is a constant reminder of that? Or does Zack need to be reminded that he has endured pshycological issues? I don't think so.

Having said that, I might suggest that it wouldnt' be a bad idea to consider using some nicknames that are completely opposite of what you mean. Sort of like calling the biggest guy "Tiny" or the smallest guy "Kong".

"Splash" seems PERFECT for Gordon once he starts driving the ball on a more regular basis.

Soria seems to have attracted more names than anyone else but so far, I'm not sold on any of them. I mean... I like the idea of it being "over" or "saved" or whatever but should we wait until we KNOW he won't be moving to the rotation? Which means if we MUST pick a name now... all we have to go on is the fact he is a good pitcher who just happens to have a beard and hails from Mexico. That and he was a Rule V draft pick. Heck, maybe we should call him "Roman" as in Roman Numerals and the fact that many Romans had similar beards (at least if you watch old movies).

Butler is going to be here and be a centerpiece for this team... he needs a name. I play off his initials BB and always think of the "Red Rider" BB gun from the Christmas Story movie. But, I agree that is sorta lame being that we hope his bat will be BOOMING as opposed to just a BB gun.

Anyway, from my perspective, we need MORE ideas and thoughts on this and we all should have a last opportunity to say which suggested names we prefer. Then Rany can go ahead and put his "list for voting" up. But really lets give it even more thought and see more ideas. After all, Guillen has hardly been touched on and he is "THE MAN" right now. (Which coincidentally pisses me off since I felt Hillman should have been on top of his conditioning in ST instead of treating it like a visit to a country club!!!)

Go Royals!!! C-ya, AusSteveW

Anonymous said...

Soria should be called either "The Truth" or "La Verdad".

A little play on the Honest Abe bit, but a bit more commanding, like his 'stuff'.

Off to Fenway....!

Anonymous said...

Something I read last year that I can't get out of my head for Soria.
Boso Chulo - The Sweet Mustache

Pablo said...

Splash is an incredibly lame nickname. Let's pleas avoid going down that road.

"Cochino" is a pretty big stretch to mean filthy (pitching) stuff. It more closely translates to pig, or dirty person. I'm guessing that El Matador wouldn't want all of baseball to start calling him a pig. (Now if you're a safety from MU trying to make the Chiefs roster, that's a different story)

Gobble already has a nickname. Everybody I know that follows the Royals calls him Yimmy Yobble.


Anonymous said...

First, gotta agree with Pablo that everyone already calls Gobble "Yimmy Yobble", thanks to TPS.

For Butler, how about "The Bubble"? Billy "The Bubble" Butler! Now that's funny and fitting.

Anonymous said...

Not much love for Guillen yet, so I'm putting the "Hitman" out there. It draws attention to both his ability to hit and his mercenary-like short term contract. And it has nice alliteration.

Jose "The Hitman" Guillen

Anonymous said...

Playing off the Astros "killer B's" maybe the Royals could start the O.G.'s (Original Gangstas- Gordon, Gathright, Grudzielanek, Guillen, G-Load, Greinke, Gobble). People could dress like they are an extra in 'Boyz in the Hood.'

BrianW said...

I think we should call TPJ "One-Ply". It makes an obvious reference to his initials, and only gets the job done about 1 out of every 10 times.

Anonymous said...

How about "The Grim Reaper" or simply "The Reaper" for soria. When you see him you know its over.

"The Boom King" for butler. Have him come up to the plate with that song playing by flight of the conchords. BRILLLLIANT!

Anonymous said...

Soria should be "Keyser Söze"

From Wikipedia: "Söze is an underworld kingpin whose ruthlessness and influence have a legendary, even mythical status"

Also appropriate because Soria brings with him the "surprise ending" associated with the movie. The surprise ending Soria brings is mowing your sorry lineup down with a vengence with his mythical array of pitches.

From the movie..."The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist"

Anonymous said...

Joakim "the Mexicutioner" Soria is amazing. As is Billy "Bubble" Butler.

Nice work, guys.

Anonymous said...

Love the blog.

For Billy Butler, how about calling him The Judge.

It's convoluted, but that seems to be more of a plus here.

Billy Butler - close to Billy Baroo, which, as everybody knows, is Judge Smails' putter in Caddyshack . With this nickname, you can always do the

"BillyBillyBillyBillyBilly ..."

when he's up to bat.

But Billy Baroo won't work, so we call him The Judge.

Anonymous said...

"Mexicutioner" wins, in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

Tony Pena should be "The Wizard of Whiff"... a nod to striking out and great defense a la Ozzie Smith.

KCemigre said...

While I agree that Pena is way down on the list of guys needing nicknames, there is one name that makes so much sense, I don't see how it can be overlooked: "El Gatito."

Here are my top 5 reasons for this nickname:
5 - It is a cool sounding name for a ballplayer.
4 - He's a little guy.
3 - His quick first step and smooth play in the field is actually pretty feline.
2 - Once he steps up to the plate, he bats at everything in sight, just like a kitten.
1 - (And this one is so obvious, I almost don't need to mention it...) He is the son of El Gato.

Unknown said...

I hate to put a damper on this whole nickname thing but does anyone think we are trying too hard?

Nicknames, over time, just seem to come about naturally. We seem to be trying to force them. Some guys may not even be worthy of a nickname.

If a nickname is to happen it just sort of does on its own. Someone mentions it and it just sticks.

I think this whole thing is a lot of fun and I'm all for it but I question how successful it will be when it is done this way. Some of the suggestions have been very very good and others that seem popular I think will die a quick death.

I've given this a lot of thought and tried to come up with some myself but I just started thinking whether or not we are doing this the right way and whether or not we are rushing this for many of the players. For instance, maybe we have to wait a given amount of time for the player to establish themselves before we start working on a nickname. We could then just focus on that one person instead of trying to come up with a whole roster's worth of nicknames at once.

Just a few thoughts about this project.

Sam Miles said...

"But one nickname is so perfect that I am invoking executive privilege right here and now: our top two starters will henceforth be known, when referred to in tandem, as Greinke and the Brain."

Sorry Rany, but I'm going to have to object. I'm no hater of fun, but the theme song for "Pink and the Brain" states quite explicitly that "One is a genius, the other's INSANE."

Amusing or not, perhaps it's a bit inappropriate.

Unknown said...

This is a nickname that I just thought of. I hope that it isn't overlooked since I think it might just be perfect. I just went to DC for a few days and it gave me this idea. For Billy Butler the following.

Battle of the Bulge.

Any take off from this would be great but I don't think it gets any more perfect for Billy. I also was thinking of Battle with the Bulge but it didn't seem to flow as well.

dt said...

I have been referring to Tony Pena as "The Penata", since his batting style is uncannily similar to that of a blindfolded second-grader swinging a plastic bat at a pinata.

Coincidentally, both Tony and the second-grader usually miss what they are swinging at......

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