This is either one of the best things I’ve ever done, or one of the worst. Hopefully it’s not one of the worst. With enormous thanks to the incomparable Rich Banks, who turned my lyrics into magic, and with apologies to the Royals, Bowling For Soup, and anyone who appreciates fine music, I present to you…1985.
(Click to play. Lyrics, and links for the uninitiated, below.)
Ambres just let it fall
He never caught the ball
Just one out to go
Nineteen losses in a row
Our dreams went out the door
After 1994
Only had one good year
When our future seemed so clear
Affeldt was another Koufax
Berroa was gonna be a star
Lima Time could kick some ass
MacDougal threw really hard
Turns out 2003
Was an anomaly
And it’s all been a bad dream
Since Hal McRae, and George Brett
Way before the sun set
There was Frank White, Balboni
No outfield throws nailed Ken Harvey
Fans of teams with big bucks
They tell us that our team sucks
But we’re still preoccupied…with 19, 19, 1985
1985
We had a great rotation
Jackson and Leibrandt
Gubicza, Saberhagen, and even Buddy Black
We loved Dick Howser
Not a better manager
No one ever got a lead
Off Dan Quisenberry
Where’s our shortstop on David Letterman
And why’s our Opening Day starter Scott Elarton
Why is Zack Greinke in Milwaukee
Whatever happened to – Dane Iorg, Sundberg, and Don Denkinger
Hal McRae, and George Brett
Way before the sun set
There was Frank White, and Motley
Fans of teams with big bucks
They tell us that our team sucks
We’ve had to swallow our pride…since 19, 19, 1985
We’re fed up
With last place
Why did Schuerholz leave for the Atlanta Braves (Atlanta Braves)
And why did Pena get a subpoena
Please make this stop, stop, stop
And bring back
McRae, and George Brett
Way before the sun set
There was Frank White, and Willie
Fans of teams with big bucks
They tell us that our team sucks
DeJesus didn’t break out in hives…in 1985
Hal McRae, and George Brett
Way before the sun set
There was Frank White, and Lonnie
And no Eduardo Villacis
Fans of teams with big bucks
They tell us that our team sucks
But we’re still preoccupied…with 19, 19, 1985
(All rights reserved, with one exception. Not only do I give the Royals permission to play this song at Kauffman Stadium, but if they do so during a game, I will pledge $100 to a charity of their choice. And if a player uses this as his walk-up music, I’ll donate $100 to a charity of his choice as well.)
This is pretty amazing.
ReplyDeleteOh my god.
ReplyDeleteI vote "best".
Dick Banks! Rany, are you a Daves of Thunder (RIP) fan?
ReplyDeleteThat was pretty good.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy it, but good luck getting anyone at the stadium or any of the current players to use it.
You incorporated everything. The only thing you missed was the CF running up the wall and the ball bouncing over the wall. Forgot his name.
Even Villacis was pronounced right. Wow. Good work!
This made my week. Thanks Rany.
ReplyDeleteSorry Rany. Worst thing you've ever done.
ReplyDeletePS You should do a post on just how deflating Eduardo Villacis was.
ReplyDeleteI mean I have nothing against the guy but I remember the feeling I had when I had gotten off of work, and I was looking forward to watching the game of the week.
It was the Yankees at their place and all of that. I had been looking forward to watching that game for a week or so.
And Eduardo Villacis started. I was pretty into the Royals then and I didn't even know who he was.
How deflating. It was as if management had just given up. On that game anyway.
In the 70's or 80's the Royals never gave up an inch. Especially not to the freaking Yankees.
And if management had given up why was I investing so much in them. That move encapsulates most of what has been wrong for quite a while.
Fun, but don't quit your day job.
ReplyDeleteWell played. If it's not your best, it's up there pretty high.
ReplyDeleteBest. Thing. Ever. Made my day Rany!
ReplyDeleteAh, now this is the hard hitting commentary I come here for.
ReplyDeleteFor those of you who haven't seen it, Royals by Mail:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.collegehumor.com/video/2963811/royals-by-mail
As a Royals fan who can actually remember 1985, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe I'll do both. Love it!
ReplyDeleteThat ... was ... AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteNo doubt, the worst thing you've ever been associated with.
ReplyDeleteCertainly beats my Royals version of 'Talkin Baseball'
ReplyDeletelol
ReplyDeleteVery well done. The song would have to be as long as November Rain to get closer to the amount of agony we have endured.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's as bad as you think it is...from an outsider's perspective, at least: http://sportstatistics.blogspot.com/2011/03/spring-training-spotlight-kansas-city.html
ReplyDeleteCoincidence: I just finished watching all seven games of the 1985 series over a period of weeks. Fitting recap.
ReplyDeleteLoved it. Great job Rany and fitting to try and tie back to what we hope we can recapture. Well done.
ReplyDeleteAmazing.
ReplyDeleteDisco Hayes would TOTALLY have played this.
Pretty cheezy but fun.
ReplyDeleteNo one ever got a lead off Dan Quisenberry?
ReplyDeleteAl Oliver begs to differ.
Wow. Awesome... just... awesome.
ReplyDeleteImpressive; liked it a lot.
ReplyDeletethat was . . . awful!
ReplyDeleteI loved it...where do I download the mp3?
ReplyDeleteLoved it, Rany. And for all those that think they could do better, it's put up or shut up time.
ReplyDeleteThat's absolutely brilliant...
ReplyDeleteNo, you should have more confidence. That was amazing, i recommend reading the lyrics at the same time to get the full effect.
ReplyDeleteI want a confession. Whose idea was that ? I hope the Royals have a good sense of humor otherwise you might get banned again !
ReplyDeleteThank you for a fun enjoyable post.
this is absolutely, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the greatest song ever written.
ReplyDeleteI love Rany but this is the worst. Good job to Banks though - just bad material.
ReplyDeletethis made me very happy on a day that I can't seem to get going on! Well done... and I am with you on the whole idea of picking up a pointless player just before the season starts. it doesn't send a good message to anyone--why would DM do that? it just makes no sense for this year.
ReplyDeleteLoved it. Only thing that could make this better would be a video that includes visual references to all of this as well.
ReplyDeleteOh, It's bad... but in a really awesome way. I think that's the only conclusion you can reach.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRany -
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw the title, I just knew it was a musical bit. However, as much as I love Bowling for Soup, the song was originally written and recorded by SR-71.
I'll match Rany's donation.
ReplyDeleteLove this. Dick Banks rarely disappoints. RIP Daves of Thunder, the greatest comedy podcast ever.
ReplyDeleteLove the variety, love the occasional socio-political post and now this. I come here for baseball and Royals, but sprinkling in other stuff is a treat.
Keep up the good work, Rany.
This is my ringtone now.
ReplyDeleteOk is anyone refreshing this for the 2014 world series? 😉😉
ReplyDelete